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Dear NESV, Custodians of this great family also known as Liverpool Football Club

I’m furious


I’m aghast, pissed and completely beyond myself.


Ever since I made that choice as a red way back in 1998 it’s been a real adventure.


To grow up with this team, sharing success, sorrows and joy.


The highlight was that night in Istanbul in 2005. My visit there in 2007 was a dream.


Even though we failed to take the title in 2009 it was ok: the mancs had the luck of the devil.


And I’ve seen many storms, MANY storms in the last 13 years. The 11 games without a win in 2002

Finishing 7th in 1999, at my 1st year of following this team.

Houllier’s eventual decline.

Losing in Athens in 2007

Seeing Alonso leave, followed by Mascherano without being adequately replaced

And even crashing to 7th last season when we were expecting to at least challenge for the PL.

The stormy takeover and the high court soap opera.



But they pale in comparison to the performance today:





For the first time: I’ve begun to doubt my support for this great, sorry. Once-great team.




Yes, we fans are emotional. We put our absolute best, our all behind the team. We’ve been through many crises, through thick and thin.

After all, how many clubs have went through highs like the 18 league wins? 5 european cups? The boot room tradition? Kop End? Seeing players like Keegan, Dalglish, Rush, Hansen, Grobbelar, Souness, Barnes, Fowler and now Gerrard and Torres?

Lows like Hillsborough, Heysel, seeing our fall from grace?

Of course you’d expect us to be emotional seeing what we’ve went through.

Liverpool fans are the most loyal too. we’ve stuck with the club through thick and thin, weathered many storms, pushed players on, supported our managers and ignored lies told about the team, lies told about us.

The media don’t know us, they’re there only to serve their agenda. They’re waging a propaganda war on us.


But to NESV, the playing staff. Don’t ever take loyalty for granted.As you’ve seen the legendary Kop raising teams up and battering opponents into submission (Chelsea in May 2005). We can also turn against those out to destroy us (see the two years preceding Gillet and Hicks courtroom battles and the Sun). We’ve singlehandedly reduced the Sun’s subscription  to virtually ZERO in Liverpool after those lies about hillsborough. Through an unlikely campaign of emails we’ve singlehandedly evicted those corrupt two americans.


The Kop isn’t just a wall of ‘noise’. We’re a living breathing tidal wave that’s been here for years before: and for the many years after.


Yes we’re loyal: yes we’re patient.

NESV, please don’t take our loyalty and patience for granted, you’ve seen what we did to Gillett and Hicks. I for one don’t wish the same on you.

Sack Roy Hodgson, please. The man has no idea what he’s doing. Absolutely clueless to tactics, he has no plan B.

Alienates players such as Torres, Cole, Johnson, Agger and Reina.

Refuses to play better players such as Aurelio and Agger.

Brought in seriously inferior players like Konchesky and Poulsen.

Plays competent ones such as Meireles out of position

Has no courage to stand up for his own men.

Has a mindset too ‘small’ for success.

And above all, he fails to take advantage and inspire his men to be the best that they can be. And he has even turned on the kop and shifted blame on almost everybody but himself!!!!

Now don’t get me wrong, he’s a nice man. But he doesn’t have the calibre to manage us. And most importantly: he doesn’t ‘get’ us.

We aren’t stupid people, as I mentioned, we’ve seen many things. We were here long before Hodgson, we will be here long after he leaves.

Sack Roy now if you don’t wish for your investment to lose value

Actions speak louder than words, we are waiting, and we’ll defitnitely be watching


from this faithful longsuffering fan.


P.S. Rafa’s in town!! 😉

Change: It is inevitable


Whether or not we’ll accept it defines how far we’ll go in our development.


As time goes by: the more we realise it is impossible to control the environment about us.




We can choose to either be 1: disappointed-> disillusioned, and stubbornly cling onto the past.

or 2: Go with the flow and change everything from the top down-> and run the risk of losing your own identity and sense of self.

There’s also 3: deciding upon what to change and what not to change. Certain aspects such as core values should NEVER be altered. That’s what made YOU in the first place. And that’s how people will remember you by.


But we can change how we think, how we act, how we behave and how we react. And also with maturity, wisdom comes, knowledge is acquired, and self-control is learned. As many seasons go by in life, many things will definitely be experienced. But whether or not a person chooses to use it to his/her advantage will depend on the level of character and willingness he/she has.


As one conquers a level, the next logical step is: UP. He/she cannot stay complacent. For complacency eventually leads to oblivion, regression and eventually destruction. As such, maturity is vital to whether a person’s able to utilize the experiences, lessons and skills acquired to his/her advantage and eventually for the benefit of others.

Take what many have experienced such as: the growth of a child, throughout his education years, to the time he goes through teenagehood, stepping into society, into higher education, into the workforce and economy, eventually finding the need to settle down and build a family, raising his/her children and building a solid foundation and finally building a firm and stable foundation for the next generation.


Isn’t that the structure of life?


Though it needn’t be that way entirely. It varies from person to person. It all depends on his/her education, calling, background, personality, talents, timings/opportunities seized, environment but most importantly: level, depth of character (and maturity).


And thus I realised today: The person whom eventually succeeds is one who copes and adapts to change the quickest, without losing his/her core values and identity but instead uses whatever changes to his/her advantage.


Of course: it is okay and natural to have doubts and fears, and to wonder or not if he/she will ever cope and make the right choices. It’s part of growing up =)


And eventually, everyone finds their own way. Key is: what is your own advantage, your unique strength and weakness? How do you apply it to your situation? If the odds are stacked against you: how to level the playing field?


Then the next step: master your fear, overcome those obstacles. Surround yourself with people whom are ready and willing to help you. At every stage of life you’ll need different skills and abilities to help you out. That’s what friends are for!!!


But of course: your most important choice is the partner you choose to help you for the rest of your life. The right partner will bring you a long, long way. The beauty of this partnership: you’ll want to make him/her the best that he/she can be, even if they don’t feel up to the task.


Hmm odd, pouring this out after three days of rest from a draining government job. Oh well


Here’s reflecting on the rollercoaster that is 2010!!!


2011 is gonna be more challenging, but yet more rewarding =)

Called gazillion numbers.


Knocked on a million doors


Travelled around till places like macpherson/paya lebar/circuit/balam/pipit/merpati roads appear in my dreams.


It feels like I’ve travelled the world 5 times over this past month!!! All thanks to MOM.


I need a good LOONG break!! phew…….

At Parkway’s Starbucks, watching whose line is it anyway. Sipping a toffee nut latte.

oops, not matching with the title!!! K back to the topic =P

Alright, this is a week overdue. The standard chartered marathon highlights

Even though I’ve run many races, and this is my fourth marathon. This is the race that had the most mishaps and later: the most lessons to learn,

One: complacency, cos every race I’ve ran before this went smoothly. I got lulled into a sense of complacency thinking this is gonna be so smooth like before.

As they say: pride comes before a fall. And that complacency affected my preparations.

On the race day, I’ll list the series of mishaps:

First: Only got one hour of sleep (bad news, you’ll need strength to last a long race)

Second: Ate the wrong food to carbo-load (chicken was oily, too much pasta to digest before the race)

Third: Drank Red Bull to boost my strength (backfired later)

Fourth: didn’t check my stuff properly (only brought one sock, discovered just before the start and had to improvise with a bulky one)

Yep, in a nutshell that was complacency. Next: Nasty surprises

The first 2 km of the run involved a slight (considerable upslope along taka, heeren and istana. Then a 500m stretch through fort canning tunnel) bump and humid weather.

Then the first problem, the red bull hangover kicked in. (the feel like dying feeling)

then at 6km, due to bad choices of food, felt like puking. (The bile was in my mouth and the contents actually forced it’s way up, had to spit it out at 8km)

Next, the yoghurt I ate yesterday (intended to take effect JUST before the race took effect two hours late) reacted and i need to like: GO. And it I ran with ‘excess baggage’ for 15 minutes looking for the gents.

As if it wasn’t bad enough, losing about 10-15 minutes of time. I got hungry and thirsty and my body simply rebelled: Almost puked the banana I took, couldn’t swallow the 100plus and water (that kinda feeling you know your body needs it, but just refuses to take it).

And the last straw, becoming mentally and physically exhausted at 16km, way below my breaking point.

One thing is, the mind is a strong influence of your body, and if your mind is set loose on its own. Nasty things can happen: It started to dwell on all the bad stuff that has happened and I was exhausted. And eventually doubts crept into my head:

‘What if I can’t finish’?

‘You’re weak!!!’

‘It doesn’t feel good does it?’

‘I don’t think you’re gonna beat your timing hector’

And the last straw:

‘Why don’t you just give up, you’re not gonna make it!!!’

‘Hector boy, for your safety, you better fall out, give up!!!’

‘Don’t run anymore, why bother, just like your studies, you’re not good at anything anymore bro, you’re a failure’

Those were the thoughts in my head. And fear has its way of inhibiting, limiting your performance, and your potential.

And for the first time, I had tears welling up in my eyes, even while running with all those fears jamming  my head and heart.

And then the most miraculous thing yet happened:

I started to cry out to God with my thoughts: ‘God, I’m really afraid. I’m so scared!!!’

“no child, you’re brave”

‘I’m so scared now!!!’

“You’ll finish this race”

‘How? I had a poor start!!!’

‘You’ll finish stronger than before’

then the most shocking, reassuring answer:

‘how can I do it—-‘

“You’ve already done it child’

That got me quiet……. As if I’ve already done it??!! Has God saw how I’ll finish?

(And if you’ve noticed, he didn’t let me finish my negative thoughts. And he cancelled them with positive ones as soon as I’ve finished mine)

So I kept running, even when I’ve hit my breaking point, his promise and words took on a new meaning, they’ve become my rock, my foundation even when everything seems to be going wrong!!

And times I’ve thought of slowing down, in comes a random runner with an encouraging message which goes along the line of: God is my strength, Isaiah 40:29-31, etcetc. Such strategic times……

And so I kept pushing on, even when the sun came out, even when the pain becomes excruciating. Even when running up the sheares bridge #$%!!!(the last thing you wanna face with the hot sun and 10,000 other twang runners).

Finally, I’ve finished at 4h 54mins.

Despite every mishap, every bad thing that has happened, I still finished under 5 hours.

Race result

God is indeed very good, his words give hope, strength, in ways unimaginable. Even when all goes wrong, once God takes charge: everything’ll be alright =)

Which here lies one valuable lesson:

When fear strikes, it’s very easy to turn away, run away and hide. It’s ok, it’s normal. But no matter how far you’ve run, it’ll always remain there until it’s overcome.

What do you do? The only way to deal with it is to meet it head on: take it on and face it. Better yet, talk to God , ask him, how. And his word will be the answer. He is your strength!! And no matter how fearful you are, facing it will give you courage, believe me. You can do it.

And it needn’t be in an endurance sport, it can be in areas of major weakness: Habits, fears, weaknesses, physical disabilities, phobias, emotions……. Take them all on, they may look big. But always remember God’s B-I-G-G-E-R.

And our dear Mr S.A.TAN is a Wayang King!!! Ignore him, shut him up, he won’t help, so don’t help him put yourself down.

Speaking of facing fears:

I’m gonna take on my biggest one yet: The 100 km. This distance put alot of fear in me.

But hell, I’m gonna conquer this mountain. (Learnt my lesson, gonna prepare carefully this time round;) )

Enough is enough

I’ll never let that kind of fear overwhelm me again.

Confess X 1000 times.

I’m gonna live out a life of great destiny. And once GOD has set it in stone, NOTHING will stop it from happening.

Shut up Mr S.A Tan. I’m about to breakthrough in this area of emotions, and YOU will NOT hinder me in that area anymore.

Just when you think you’ve had your breakthrough.


One more test has to be passed before it is confirmed. And it hit me like a sledgehammer last night, and it almost ruined the whole outing.


Thank god for his grace (it’s unbelievably hard to keep myself under control, but I still did).


A man’s ego is fragile, it is his weakness. Once it’s shattered. It’ll take time to rebuild, for him to stand up again.

Just as a woman’s heart and feelings are precious to her, the same goes true about his ego.


While threshing things out last night, I was reminded of a vision I saw in SOT.


A gleaming, shining white castle. Beautiful to behold, majestic, mighty and glorious.


And this time God spoke to me: YOU are the castle.


When I was rehashing those LOTR movies and the shot pans to Minas Tirith:

There it was, the white city/castle

The city of kings, city of wisdom, glory, knowledge and strength.


White in all its’ glory, whitewashed and pure. Fair are the citizens whom dwell within.

And in times’ of trouble, need or war:  all will flock to the city/castle. For in it dwells hope, a bastion of strength and courage.


And the mighty walls protect the people, subsistence is provided within. And many are the soldiers guarding the city, stout-hearted they were.

In the LOTR universe, Minas Tirith is Gondor’s capital, the last kingdom of men. The last of the numenoreans, fair strong and noble men. Gone were the glory days of old and it was in decline. But it still remained strong, proud and stubborn. It’s seven tiered walls inspire strength and defensive stubbornness. After all, Minas Tirith means the tower of guard.

But it lacked a king. It lacked leadership. There is courage, yes. There’s also direction, but it lacks will.

Yep, the city reveals my calling, my destiny, my current state.

Not only was Minas Tirith the symbol of military strength, it also represents the economic lifeblood and marketplace of Gondor. The main population center. One decision made here has plenty of influence, and it’s effects are far-reaching.

It reminded of my calling as an economist. I’m waiting for my King’s return.


As the bible mentions: we are only stewards. Stewards of what we are entrusted with.


And even as I type this: This revelation hit me: This life isn’t mine, it’s God-given. For I’m only a steward of it.

As long as the stewards keep what should be kept, and not go overboard in their rule, the city remains prosperous and safe. And stewards are guardians. Protectors of those charged under their care.


This keeps me going, reminds me of my own spirit and strength. What makes me unique.

The elite Tower Guard.  Keeper of the White Tree. Protector and keeper of what’s entrusted to me. The same goes through for anything entrusted to me now or in the future.

Until their King returns

1 Peter 4:10-11

10 Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. 11 If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

The power of common grace.

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