Fascinating creatures, aren’t they?
Wolves in general. They are silent, yet deadly. Fiercely loyal and territorial. What strikes me the most is their monogamous nature: One partner until death does them part.
Especially the lone wolf: he doesn’t conform to the pack. He leaves rather than challenge the alpha male. And he spends the remainder of his days alone. Doing everything from hunting its’ food to making his shelter. However, as wolves work best in pairs to hunt their prey, the lone wolf can only hunt smaller prey instead of the larger ungulates (such as deer).
But this trains the lone wolf to be independent. They are stronger, more aggressive and far deadlier than any wolf part of a single pack. And by nature wolves are cunning, this is especially heightened in the lone wolf.
Why am I suddenly writing about wolves? Or specifically the lone wolf?
Because that is what I’m going through now: the lonely phase.
Having no constant companion is difficult, exhausting, limiting to what I can do. Often times I’ve been spending so much, too much time alone. Solitude is good, but excessive periods of it can inhibit you. There’ve been times I’ve even forgot how it feels like to socialize, let alone share my thoughts with anybody. And this has been going on for two months now.
On the other hand: it has trained me to be stronger, even more independent (if that’s even possible) and colder (don’t like it but useful in making tough decisions) at the cost of having shut-down emotions. When things are quieter you can discern things better.
Especially in university, much of my time is spent alone, and alone doing economics. An analytic, quantitative, calculating and cold subject. Yet it requires a combination of intuition and logic.
There are times I wonder if anybody understands, but then again, probably not. Which leads me to suspect if I’m suffering from AvPD (Avoidant personality disorder).
But then, there’s light at the end of the tunnel: The lone wolf occasionally finds a lone wolf of the opposite sex and they start a new pack together.
Well, I’m looking for the other wolf, to share all that’s within me.
9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:
10 If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken