I have something to confess

It’s been inside me for the past 6 months

There has been something going on between myself and another girl in that time. And yes, I’ve grown to like her alot.

And yes, even though I’ve made a personal vow a couple of months back, not to start anything until I’m mature enough. To build up my financial base and being responsible before starting any relationship. And to focus wholly on God in these 5.5 months at SOT.

But the events of the past week has been really confusing!!!

And even after my birthday, when I’ve decided enough was enough, and dedicated the whole matter up to his hands……And if there’s one thing I’ve learnt from this entire episode, it is to love unconditionally.

From feeling alienated in my SOT team, I’ve never felt more loved than ever before by them after last sun’s surprise.

And now after that time with pst Mike, I’ve been given the father’s love in my life

And our God is one with a wry sense of humor:

Thursday: Pst Bobby spoke of men not doing enough to woo the girl of their hearts, and women turning away increasingly to other men to fulfil their physical and relational needs.

And I was asked why am I still single.

Friday: Pst Meng spoke about relationships again, and again I’m asked why am I still single, and that was there anybody in mind. And given some tips on how to woo girls (can you imagine? oh man)

Yesterday: Even after training with Chris Ong & gang @ AIA, meeting new people workin’ with Andy, pple such as Adam, Jaydee etc. Again, the subject of women turning to other men cos men in the church are not doing anythingu to go after them!!! And the subject of spirituality & character came up again…

You guessed it: I’m asked why I’m still single and unattached again.

And today, even in service, pst Zhuang went on abt guys chasing girls etc….. and even pst Tan’s sermon spoke of how to really know somebody or something….., those words cut right into my heart regarding the whole issue.

And you got it; I’m asked once again why I’m still unattached and not doing anything.

Only this time the two women with the greatest influence in my church life asked me about this:

Jo and Janice.

Jo being her motherly self, sharing wisdom of her experiences and bringing me back to where I should be. If there’s anyone who made me focus on God and being a better man and bro, it’s her.

Janice: The little sister I’ve never had. She opened my mind to the mind of women, especially those waiting to be chased. And waiting upon the men to do something.

So the problem does not lie with women, it’s the men where the problem lies.

And this verse came to my mind, and etched deeply within me about this whole matter.

Proverbs 27:5

5 Better is open rebuke Than love that is hidden.

The million dollar question: So who is this girl you might ask?

I can safely reveal three things:

She’s from church: (definitely)

She has caught my attention in a way no other girl has ever done before,

And no, she’s not in SOT in this year.

And I’m guilty of inaction, I admit. For not being manly enough at times, for being a coward. For being fearful of what might/might not happen should it not turn out well.

Paradoxical isn’t it? For some one who’s so bold in the workplace, with friends, in exercising spiritual gifts, prophesying, discerning, planning, in working.

He is so cowardly when it comes to the matters of the heart, simply for being fearful of what if it doesn’t happen? What happens if he says the wrong thing, or make the wrong move? Or at the wrong timing?

Today, enough is enough.

This time I’m stepping out, cos I know time is running out.

In the words of Jake Sully from Avatar

Sometimes your whole life boils down to one insane move

That insane move is coming, I’m gonna step out in faith. This time.