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After 4.5 months of living an adventure titled SOT, it all comes down to this:

Mission trip!!

Everything we trained and equipped for: all the truths of the bible, those up and down experiences, training in deliverance ministry, hosting and organizing cell groups, preaching bullet-speed sermons in 7 minutes, moving and exercising our spiritual and ministry gifts.

Now it’s the real thing

Medan awaits, and it’s gonna be a packed 5 days of back-to-back work:

Touchdown on thursday morning and a cell group to host that night.

A youth outreach plus another cell group on friday.

Healing ministry at a drug rehab centre on saturday morning, 2 services and a dance item on saturday.

Another youth service plus 4 services to preach/support on sunday, with children’s church to back up on weekends too.

One day of R&R on national day before flying back on Tuesday morning.

So much work!!!!

But I’m thankful for this opportunity to impact lives, paired up together with Ming Jiao to do CG. (Seeing her grow from a girl with low self-esteem into a bold preacher, and those mornings of speaking into her life and envisioning her becoming a teacher is beginning to happen =) proud of her!!)

Working together with 20-25 other SOT students to work/minister/preach at several locations over the weekend. Having the chance to offer my life testimony at one of the services there.(subject to pst kim hock’s approval)

What started as an innocent willingness to help out in anyway ended up with me being selected to do a hip-hop dance routine for the youth services. Yes I know, don’t laugh people!!! Even a straight-faced self-confessed boring guy can be trained to dance hip-hop!!! Hahaha.

Speaking of which: Learning to dance has given me a liberating feeling and a heightened sense of self-esteem. Dunno why, but it feels so free to just move with the flow, feeling the groove and expressing yourself freely. (Yes, the moves are hard, gotta coordinate your mind and your body to move as one, it takes time) With plenty of repetition and muscle aches to boot too.

Which led me to reevaluate why I do certain things: being a marathon/distance runner trained my will and self-discipline. To endure, persevere and push my limits. From a weak, low-blood pressure person to a trained (slightly above average) marathoner. And I love dancing cos it feels free. Reminds myself of my youthfulness with vibrance and energy, and also a sense of liberation and confidence to freely express myself in movement.

Once I’ve cleared my debts and have cash to burn: I’m gonna sign up for O school and do hip-hop as a hobby.

Who knows? Someday I might just perform on stage with a dance crew!! lol And I’m sure those days of training at JW and O school’s gonna pay off with a smashing performance in Medan. We’re gonna do it guys!! (Janice, Jesher, Wan Teng and Ming Jiao) =)

And I’ve never felt happier ever since, yes. It’s been hyper busy doing things and running here and there, but this is a once in a lifetime opportunity to learn and apply the word, doing God’s work in the field, seeing signs and wonders. What a privilege and honor.

It’s gonna be a wild & crazy 5 days at medan boys & girls!!! =)

………..

I have something to confess

It’s been inside me for the past 6 months

There has been something going on between myself and another girl in that time. And yes, I’ve grown to like her alot.

And yes, even though I’ve made a personal vow a couple of months back, not to start anything until I’m mature enough. To build up my financial base and being responsible before starting any relationship. And to focus wholly on God in these 5.5 months at SOT.

But the events of the past week has been really confusing!!!

And even after my birthday, when I’ve decided enough was enough, and dedicated the whole matter up to his hands……And if there’s one thing I’ve learnt from this entire episode, it is to love unconditionally.

From feeling alienated in my SOT team, I’ve never felt more loved than ever before by them after last sun’s surprise.

And now after that time with pst Mike, I’ve been given the father’s love in my life

And our God is one with a wry sense of humor:

Thursday: Pst Bobby spoke of men not doing enough to woo the girl of their hearts, and women turning away increasingly to other men to fulfil their physical and relational needs.

And I was asked why am I still single.

Friday: Pst Meng spoke about relationships again, and again I’m asked why am I still single, and that was there anybody in mind. And given some tips on how to woo girls (can you imagine? oh man)

Yesterday: Even after training with Chris Ong & gang @ AIA, meeting new people workin’ with Andy, pple such as Adam, Jaydee etc. Again, the subject of women turning to other men cos men in the church are not doing anythingu to go after them!!! And the subject of spirituality & character came up again…

You guessed it: I’m asked why I’m still single and unattached again.

And today, even in service, pst Zhuang went on abt guys chasing girls etc….. and even pst Tan’s sermon spoke of how to really know somebody or something….., those words cut right into my heart regarding the whole issue.

And you got it; I’m asked once again why I’m still unattached and not doing anything.

Only this time the two women with the greatest influence in my church life asked me about this:

Jo and Janice.

Jo being her motherly self, sharing wisdom of her experiences and bringing me back to where I should be. If there’s anyone who made me focus on God and being a better man and bro, it’s her.

Janice: The little sister I’ve never had. She opened my mind to the mind of women, especially those waiting to be chased. And waiting upon the men to do something.

So the problem does not lie with women, it’s the men where the problem lies.

And this verse came to my mind, and etched deeply within me about this whole matter.

Proverbs 27:5

5 Better is open rebuke Than love that is hidden.

The million dollar question: So who is this girl you might ask?

I can safely reveal three things:

She’s from church: (definitely)

She has caught my attention in a way no other girl has ever done before,

And no, she’s not in SOT in this year.

And I’m guilty of inaction, I admit. For not being manly enough at times, for being a coward. For being fearful of what might/might not happen should it not turn out well.

Paradoxical isn’t it? For some one who’s so bold in the workplace, with friends, in exercising spiritual gifts, prophesying, discerning, planning, in working.

He is so cowardly when it comes to the matters of the heart, simply for being fearful of what if it doesn’t happen? What happens if he says the wrong thing, or make the wrong move? Or at the wrong timing?

Today, enough is enough.

This time I’m stepping out, cos I know time is running out.

In the words of Jake Sully from Avatar

Sometimes your whole life boils down to one insane move

That insane move is coming, I’m gonna step out in faith. This time.

This article reminded me of that week:

Healing the broken heart

Anyway, it’s been a crazy, emotional rollercoaster the past two weeks.

Enough with words, they can come another time.When I’m more sober and calm then I’ll describe the death and redemption of an ordinary guy here. He is only as strong as the next person beside him, he is humbled, and he has learnt his lesson. The hard way and through sufferings.

And he has officially turned 23, happy birthday to him!!

From another ordinary person with extraordinary dreams

Grrrr…..

This is an angsty, let-steam out post here. Warning: Alot of frustration ahead.

Failed my M5 today. Just missed by abt 5 marks!!! And found out last min that the passing mark is 75/100.  And what really pisses me off is that a retake’s gonna set me back by $107. And I’ve to clear that before taking my M9 and undergo training with SP-CO.

And there’s a mountain of bills, personal expenses and other stuff I’ve to plan that needs cash too!!! Unpaid stuff like CPF, having a dad which opposes my attending of SOT and church (massive spiritual warfare started ever since Pastor Mike’s deliverance lesson ended).

Personally, anyone who tells me that poverty is good will get a good smack on the head from me: What on earth is good about poverty? Keeps you humble?? Wake up, this is not a fantasy world or a blissful utopia where there is no need for cash. How’d you like it if you’re at the mercy of creditors/banks hounding you for money?? I’d rather be the lender than a borrower for a change.Without $$$ there’s plenty of stuff that can’t be done: How do you support your family? Pay for your education? Maintain a relationship? Do the things you like? Go on missions etc?

You can plan all you want for the future, but as long as there’s no $$ to back you up, it’ll simply remain just that: pipe dreams

All the more I’m more determined than ever to break through and excel with AIA. I’m sick of being poor. It’s a needless state to be in and by the time I graduate, by faith I’ll have the funds not just enough to sustain my family, but to have an abundance. And be able to settle down and provide for my spouse and kids (by the age of 30).

Ok, all the crap’s out.

And yeah, mission trip to Medan has been changed to Aug 5-10th. Just booked the return flight. Be back in the morning. Until then, more tests, assignments, work, and other stuff.

My next post will be positive, I promise =)

Arrgh… Haven’t got this exhausted in a long, long time!!!

Super drained since all the havoc in school last week, with all the ‘stuff’ happening with pst mike and ministry last weekend. Now ending up in a prolonged state of fatigue this week….

To top it all off, an inflamed molar resulted in my first mc frm Sot, doing a root canal op is no fun, no fun at all!!! (imagine having your jaw opened wide for 2+ hours straight taking x-rays, drills, incisions etc) and the humongous headache afterwards.

Not to mention having to study for all those tests and M5 on friday. Could really use a miracle now, and OPM in school aft cg this fri, scheduled to complete another 2 reviews plus the remainder of my sermon outlines on sat. And on duty again this weekend.

So, forgive me for lack of a social life in the coming weeks yeah? A brief sneak for those of you thinking of enrolling into SOT next year. Haha, it’s v tiring but worthwhile!!

Gd news?? Unexpected stuff has happened in ministry…. Getting exactly what I’ve been praying for since feb: just that it came sooner than expected…. Ask me for more details if ya wanna know 😉

And the day where everyone’s waiting for (and I kinda wish it wouldn’t come, yet). Ya, that day when this author was born. How paradoxical it is: after the 1st no of your age hits 2, u kinda wish it’ll halt right there and then. Instead……(horror of horrors) time speeds up faster and faster!!! (by the way, I still remb those days when I was 18-20 ok…. Young and innocent, lol)

Yeah, signin’ off now. Back to more (u guessed it) work….

Today will be remembered

The day of freedom.

The day when I was finally set free.

From all bondage, struggles, torments.

From learning to flow in the spirit on the first day,

being the first to be delivered on stage by pst Mike on tuesday,

ministering to a few brothers on wednesday,

being set free from various bondages on wednesday and thursday.

And finally,

Being set free completely from all those bad memories today, from the army, the days of being bullied, neglected, abused.

It’s all gone, behind me now….
I believe everyone has been set free from their worst nightmares/bondage this week, batch 16: this is our week. This is our victory in the lord.

Learning about & feeling the father’s love, learning to forgive, and finally on Tuesday: I’ve completely forgiven my dad for all that he’s done.

And sharing the father’s love to my brothers the next day, ministering in the spirit, healing broken hearts. Bringing god’s love to the people.

And now: we’re ready; I’m ready, to give back to people, to share his love with others.

Funnily enough, everybody’s countenance is getting brighter, and younger!! (also had comments from Janice, Jesh, even OG friends that I look more boyish, or look like a young boy, thanks!!!)

The doors of hurt in my heart are now closed, time to heal others and lead them back to restoration. Even if I don’t receive anything else for my 23rd birthday: this week’s more than enough for me. I’m finally free.

Psalms 118:19-23

19 Open to me the gates of righteousness;
I will go through them,
And I will praise the LORD.
20 This is the gate of the LORD,
Through which the righteous shall enter.

21 I will praise You,
For You have answered me,
And have become my salvation.

22 The stone which the builders rejected
Has become the chief cornerstone.
23
This was the LORD’s doing;
It is marvelous in our eyes.

Psalm 118:28-29


28
You are my God, and I will praise You;
You are
my God, I will exalt You.

29 Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good!
For His mercy endures forever.

Thank you lord,  from the bottom of my heart,

I love you

Just a quickie before rushing back to work, work and MORE work

I dunno if it’s last night or what: felt like crap for the past 3 days. Can’t even complete one round at the reservoir, so lethargic in the things I normally do. Unable to focus at CG on fri, and keeping up with the workload @ SOT. Keeping up with social norms, such as watching my first World cup game of the entire tournament (yes, that’s how busy I am). Even a whole day’s rest on sat didn’t really boost my energy. And even during service there were times I nearly collapsed from exhaustion while serving.

Is it me, or am I heading for another burnout?

I need a good break. Haven’t took a holiday since ORDing last August:  Jumped straight into work, then enrolling into SOT, now coming to an end before jumping into Uni. And oh yes: the new career @ AIA to build my financial base too.

I’m just tired of life la, need a good looooong break. A week maybe? Of doing nothing and just relaxing and enjoying quiet solitude where I can really reflect, the select few friends to share my life, angst, sorrows and joys with.

On a bright side: at least my 23rd’s coming!! Could really do with something to brighten up my days. Giving giving and constant giving really stretches your capacity….And from time to time I really need to let it ALL OUT. This is one of those days.

Alright, not to worry: it’s off my chest!!!

Friday was fun!!!!

Freshman orientation was great yesterday: Met new friends and had networking opportunities, advice on studies and paths ahead. There were about 500+ of us having orientation that day: (Accounting & Finance, Maths & Econs, Econs & finance, Econs & Mgmt and finally Pure Econs).

Had plenty of fun with my OG (orientation group) as well, did lotsa crazy stuff like dodgeball, shuttle run with maths questions (mental calculations), plenty of name games, truth or dare (and one or two were really hyper/crazy) knew people from all walks of life (a big no of Jc grads, some poly grads, a regular Signals Lieutenant and even an academic taking a second degree).

Erm, to be honest I haven’t exactly found classmates for pure Economics yet; really the killer course many had said? On the bright side: at least the OG friends will look to me for any help in econs subjects, so at least got some khakis in sch liao =)

On a serious side: this is home, where I wanna be. To actually live out and prepare for my calling as a economist/advisor. The ability to look far, far ahead of anybody else, reading the situation and preparing for it in advance. Gonna make a Timetable that will sort out time for studies, work, personal devotional time, friends/relationships/family, personal time, research and exercise.

Ok, looks like everybody’s going on twitter. So gonna sign up for one by August (have to keep up with the times too!), subscribing to magazines like Time, Economist, WSJ and watching news channels like CNA, Bloomberg, CNBC etc. Keeping in touch with LSE’s latest research studies and journals and also making a point to complete a book every fortnight (and it’s those economic theory books, not too much on fiction, sigh, also on christian books as well). On hindsight, I have SOT to thank for this habit: book reviews really came in handy!!

I’ve found my home at SIM-UOL!!! =) Gonna drive all the way to my first class honours and win that postgraduate scholarship for LSE. Gonna visualize it happening in Aug 2013 =)

Alright, back to my book review, the coming week’s gonna be crazy. SOT and church peeps know what I’m referring to 😉 And gonna meet up with OG this coming fri too!!

Insights and revelations, to foresee and make things happen in society:

Matthew 5:14, 16

You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden.


Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.