In a time of intensity, one finds out his true character.

Like a teabag dipped into hot water, diving into the deep end of the pool, speaking to the masses for the first time, whatever you call it

Calmed down from the frantic pace of life recently to reflect on my future. Now reality has started sinking in:

1: SOT’s gonna end, I have to take up a leadership position soon, where exactly I don’t know yet.

2: Being accepted into the premier degree program of arguably the world’s finest social sciences institute, albeit based in SIM, is a reminder of the calling I have and the responsibility which lies ahead

3: Fighting so hard for my survival out there, job after job, school, assignment, ministry, outreach, friends, family, well kinda got used to the insane pace out there. It’s gonna be like this for the forseeable future. Gonna have to make a decent living out there too, even after SOT and being an undergrad

4: I’m not getting any younger (and yes I know, I’m only turning 23 in 2 months time), time is running out and things need to be done on my part before the other desires of my heart can come into place. And I’ve a weakness of being too rash and driven at times. Must remind self to take more breaks, to calm down and relax. Cause how you treat others reflect how you treat yourself

I used to think I’m superman, that I can do everything myself. Well…..God does have an amusing way of putting you in your place and reassuring you at the same time. Funny, spent a bit of time chastening others and now I’m chastening and evaluating myself this time round, and now I understand why not all the promises that’d been made hasn’t come to pass.

I am not mature enough, yet.

The test still lies ahead, I have to make it through, before I can take the next step, to take it to the next level. Because I know, God knows, if I move now, it can go bottoms up and backfire. Only God knows, J knows and I know what is being refered to above. Even though it kills me not to go ahead, I know I have to submit to his will. It is not the right time yet.

Sundown lies ahead. SOT’s crucial periods are coming with preaching tests, book review deadlines, exams etc.

Not to mention Asia conference, as an ordinary member I’d feel excited, this time as an SOT student; humility and a burden of responsibility befits what I’m feeling now. There’s so much to catch, so much to experience and to apply them once all is said and done.

Humility and love, not easy to learn, but I’m willing to receive.

Advertisements