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Job 22:21

Now acquaint yourself with Him, and be at peace; Thereby good will come to you.

I shall reflect and meditate on it

Was close to meltdown yesterday, and it nearly went ugly…..

Taking a good long chillout session today. Lesson learnt: never to drive myself crazy again, it’s not just what you’ve done, but who you know

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I’ve never been this angry

Never been this helpless

To make things worse:

Nobody cares? Nobody listens??

Fine, so be it. The closest people I’ve trusted, have let me down.

God, it’s just you and me then. My back’s against the wall now. All that everybody’s saying do this do that, and nobody caring abt how I’m doing, FINE

Yeah, this post is gonna be pretty heavy. But it kinda hit me while coming back home and receiving an sms from a close friend (whom shall be named XX for privacy purposes) abt her being upset. Upset on wad another ‘special’ guy friend did to her. I’ll get to that in a moment.

Meanwhile:

In the space of seven weeks at SOT, little did I expect the series of events that were to come. I came in expecting to learn and being impacted by the word. Little did I expect what God had in store for me.

As time goes by, these are the things that’d impacted me heavily besides learning the word, practical lessons and ministry:

First up: Women

As mentioned above, spending time with XX has revealed many things about women in general. Generally am finding it easier to converse with them than guys sometimes as there’re certain stuff I just don’t feel comfortable sharing with guys, if you know what I mean. And the past few months have a funny theme: everywhere I go, women take the centre stage. My own family for one, SOT, friends I’m hanging around with inc Jo, Janice, Sophia, April & co.
Even the part time job at Robinson’s has me outnumbered 15 to 1 between Women and a lonely man(which is me obviously).

And they’re all aunties or in their late 20s-30s.

They are emotional creatures, it’s impossible to figure them out from a typical guy’s mindset. You have to understand them from the inside out, what makes them tick, what really happened in each of their lives and experiences.Better yet, feel them from the inside out. Kinda help that I’m more sensitive/perceptive than the average Joe.

At best, every guy out there reading this: You’ll probably understand up to 70-80% of the girl of your life. And the risky/exciting bit is that you’ll NEVER KNOW WHEN or WHAT will trigger the hidden 20-30% within her. So….just let them have their way when that happens right….

And this usually happens after an insensitive remark/action on the part of the guy. Especially when it comes to relationships as in the case of XX

So guys, better think twice about that remark you’re itching to make, or the action you’re gonna do. Bear in mind girls think very differently about what you do.

Proverbs 13:3

He who guards his mouth preserves his life, But he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction.


Which brings me to the next point

Next: Words

Ever wondered how much power there is in the words you speak? After certain mishaps observing what has happened in XX’s case, like misappropriated words and intentions. and more than a few cases of mine recently. The words you speak bring either life or death not just to any situation, but into the person(s) life as well. Don’t you wanna seriously consider the words you say to others too?

Because at the end of the day: everyone, everyone is to account to God himself for every idle word that has been said.

Proverbs 10:12

Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins.

Finally, growing up:

Just had a revelation, so many times in the past weeks I’ve faced with extreme exhaustion, weariness yet at the same time even more determined not to give in. Non-stop routine of waking up early, quiet time, SOT, work, assignments, chatting with friends, CG on fridays, work on saturdays and service on sundays (and I’m usually serving), depriving myself of precious time with loved ones and the people whom matter =(

Which is why God told me, I have to die to myself. And live wholly for him, upon him.

At the end of the day, all of this is only temporary, what matters is how you conduct and carry yourself over this trial. Once you commit your time to God at SOT, he makes double sure that you don’t just learn the word, but to live the word also. So many situations have been thrown at me time and again. Seemingly to test and stretch my patience and love, especially with people.

On a happier note, seems my time spent in usher ministry have not been a waste after all: Been entrusted with weightier and weightier responsibilities recently.

2 weeks ago: called with a senior group leader to personally assist him with the flow of internal traffic during altar call, out of 5 ushers available, 3 of whom also in SOT

Last week: Given an arena, major arena sector to take care and run. No mean feat especially if you’ve been in the ministry for only 5 months

Yesterday: called up to serve on stage to lay chairs, ya, may seem mundane, but I know and trust stage ushers won’t call any tom dick or harry to go upstage right? Especially if you’re shifting chairs within a metre of Pastor Kong himself.

Last friday: given a team of support ushers to lead and train in SOT. With future grooming to be a stage usher next week. Meaning: stage ushers directly serve pastors and the stage area.

Even though I’ve not grown as much as I’ve wanted in CG, at least fruits are being borne in ministry =)

Haha, seems that I’ve come in as a super-confident alpha male, now I’m being moulded into a counselor/psychologist/teacher/uncle agony/healer or whatever else!!

This concludes one thing: now God has made known to me my main calling, ministry calling, be it fivefold or during services. It seems that he’s moulding me to be a ‘people’ person. In the sense of listening to their problems and ministering to them. Not something to be taken lightly.

Like I said: This post IS heavy

Anyway, gonna meditate on it tomorrow while fasting, another week, another series of revelations.

SOT never leaves one the same again.

Ever

Faith is patience

Faith takes time

Faith asks of more than you can give, it asks for more of your capacity than you’ve ever thought possible.

And it stretches you in the process, pulls and enlarges your capacity. Sure, it hurts like hell.

But once the process is complete, you’ll be amazed by what you can do compared to before. Pastor Kong’s week-long lesson on Romans reveals how much, just how much faith is central to our walk.

It is by faith that we’re saved, God moves according to our level of faith.

And this week so many things have happened, and be careful what you pray for, cause you’ll get it.

Just not in the way you’ll expect it to come.

It began in excitement, morning prayer. Seeing another side of Pastor Kong not many has ever seen. Nuggets of wisdom shared with us, impartations and new revelations pouring forth. And I remember him mentioning this:

‘We christians are always asking for faith, so God hears our prayer for faith and goes: hmm, want more faith? Good!!! He’s ready for more tests then, I’m gonna let him have more problems then!!! And he’ll learn to lean on me!! Good boy!!’

And we wonder why all our problems pile up. We did ask for more faith. And this is how God builds faith. Through adversity and testing by fire.

Here’s what happened: after that prayer on tues: things were set in motion. For the first time in years, woke up in tears and not really knowing why. And that night was one of the greatest challenges I’ve ever faced. Financial tightness and family’s sudden U-turn in their support.

I’ve never felt more alone.

So desperate, had to call and ask Jo for advice and help. Thank God for her, she prayed for me and was comforted. Well, she is my mirror image/secret keeper after all 😉

And funny enough, it seems I can now sense and feel things before they actually happen. Interesting.

If that wasn’t enough, God reminded me of my prayer last week on financial breakthrough:

I do remember praying about my Adidas application and believing it’ll be resolved by the end of next week, last monday. Also for a breakthrough in ministry cos I’ve served non-stop since easter.
Guess what, faith really takes time to develop. And like london buses, God tends to answer prayers all in one go.

First, was given the opportunity to lead one of the SOT support usher teams with Bryan. As there was a shortage of experienced ushers those of us remaining are kinda mobilised to help lead and guide. Perks? Fulfils the ministry hours required(meaning I can attend service like a normal member for once =) ). A chance to lead and practice managing a group of ushers.  And a chance to learn and rise up.

Now the real miracle

While eating with Alvin and co at JP, received a random call. Guess what: The lady from Adidas confirmed my employment and asked if I could start work tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow. Whoa, if that wasn’t enough? She asked for my commitment level for May also. And the holy spirit reminded me of my prayer: by the end of this week. As if that wasn’t enough, another job interview came up and offered better terms than the job I’m doing at Robinson’s: better hours, location, pay and commission. And she wanted me to join so badly she was willing to wait until my schedule clears up. As this happened: Psalms 30:5 came to my mind again. Another rhema coming to pass!

Back to my sporting home, doing a job I’m experienced in, and also a lifelong passion of mine: running, football and people. And settling the bulk of my finances at the same time. God is faithful.

And I’ve had this revelation after all’s been said and done:

A man’s greatness is not measured by what great things he has done, but how patient and persevering he is despite what sufferings and trials he endured. And doing great deeds in the process. This is faith

And ironic enough, I’m finishing up on my book review on Faith

Haha, God really has a sense of humor!!!

It hit me like a ton of bricks.

It weighs like a ton on my chest.

I’m telling you now, my mountain, my Goliath

I will not be moved

I will cast you out, and I will slay you.

Jeremiah 29:11

I’m gonna finish the fight

I’m reminded of it again

Woke up weeping to the song. And it’s been years since I wept that hard.

And the dream felt so real

When the people belted out You’ll never walk alone at that point of time, I was being taken to another place, where the song really struck some weak spot of mine. I simply wept hard.

Tears are flowing down even as I type this, tears of pain, joy and anguish.

And the dream’s looks like……next year??!!

Is it real??

Isaiah 54:7 “For a brief moment I forsook you, But with great compassion I will gather you.


Isaiah 54:8 “In an outburst of anger I hid My face from you for a moment, But with everlasting lovingkindness I will have compassion on you,” Says the LORD your Redeemer.

5:45am, 21st April

Been a really, really, really crazy week. So much stuff going on until there’s virtually no time to breathe: SOT, work, mock CG preparation, daily bible reading, ministry every week, book readings and assignments plus various other miscellaneous tasks just keeps coming like a flood day in day out.

But I’m loving it.

This whole period at SOT has been really a dream, yes, it’s physically very tiring, yes, it deprives you of time from spending with your loved ones and friends, from doing the things you love so much.

But, it teaches you discipline. Constant prayer and fasting every since the start of SOT has yielded so much fruit and innumerous breakthroughs. And God is never far away, the holy spirit is a really dear friend just a feeling and prayer away.

Feels like a completely different person compared to the Hector that enrolled last month.

All those lessons, bonding with everyone, team 20 now feels like another cell group, a cell group of leaders to be. A cell group to hone our gifts and abilities, a cell group where we learn to love and serve one another, regardless of where we’re from and what we can do. A cell group and family we can really call our own.

The amazing thing was: had a really bad week by my own standards. Cos there was so little time to do quiet time and my body’s literally breaking down from exhaustion. Kinda angry and frustrated at myself for not spending quality quiet time with God.

And amazingly: this is the week where he’s moved the strongest and the most amazing series of events occurred.

First: mock CG

If I didn’t ‘tio’ offering, I wouldn’t’ve realised I can preach, if not for the worship segment, I wouldn’t know that I can lead worship and bring down God’s presence despite my low super zhao sia voice. And Wan Teng moved and prophesied during the worship session. So all things are possible through christ who strengthens me

Second: more financial breakthrough

This seems to be the main theme of my walk with God: I’ve never seemed to lack financially. Not for very long anyway. There’s always an opportunity at every corner, the last-ditch deal at UNI, various job offers at different part-time positions, unexpected blessings from family (now I don’t need to worry about mission trip and SOT fees until June). If there ever was one thing I’ve never doubted God with: It’s the area of finances. The very first area where he moves mightily in my life.

Third: Love for people

Was stunned when the lord told me during quiet time last week: to enlarge my heart, making more room for people. And that same day Pastor Ming was teaching on the characteristics of a CGL: to have a heart for everyone, yes everyone. Irregardless of stature, looks, background or behaviour. Everybody needs love. And unconditional love is the highest form of love possible. After all: God is love.

Fourth: people speaking into my life

Had a really wonderful time @ Pitstop yesterday. First time the team went out to enjoy ourselves.

And it was pure havoc!!!! Shall upload the pics later =)

Didn’t expect Chris and Junde to open up and share with me their views on christ, h.s and spiritual life with me. And I was stunned when they discerned my life ahead.

‘Hector, the lord has prepared for you a life ahead, where making 50, 100, 200 million is definitely possible, but for that you must build up your faith and be ready to live life and do things differently from everyone else’

‘You have a strong spiritual life, stronger than most people, but you must be ready to step up, you need a greater passion for God and his people, and for that there’ll come a greater test and a heavier price to pay’

Whoa…..If that didn’t shake me: I wonder what will? Which brings this verse back to mind , esp after what events transpired during service yesterday:

Proverbs 11:25 – The generous man will be prosperous, And he who waters will himself be watered.

Thank you for those conversations on msn and phone Jo: You have ministered to me over so many areas, life, love, SOT and relating to people. Through you I now understand what unreserved love of God really means. You are a living example and through you, you’ve impacted many lives including mine. And what is written on Psalms 37:4 doesn’t just apply to me, it applies to you too!!!! 😉

High five!!! =)

And there’s more to come. If there’s anything to take away this week: It’s not by your own strength or might, it’s by knowing who he is and what he can really do and work in your life if you let him

On a side note: Just sent in the order for the new season’s jersey:

And it’s gonna have Javier Mascherano’s name and no on it

After Gerrard and Alonso, Mascherano is my favourite LFC player.

If Gerrard represents my inner drive, essence and character, and Alonso reveals my calm, precise and conscientious nature to work, then Mascherano reminds me of my own tenacity and nastiness when facing opponents (just see how I respond to unprovoked attacks from the enemy, hahaha).  For further illustration, just watch how Mascherano dives into tackles, protects the defense and whacks anybody that stands in the team’s way.

May 6th, I’ll receive it

Alrite, shall sign off here, another crazy week @ SOT has begun: Pst Kong all to ourselves for a week!!!! =)

Wow

This is by far the highlight of SOT, mock CG

So far.

I’m really proud of you, team 20!!!

Was really apprehensive yet excited about it since yesterday cos after almost 4 years in this church, participating in cell group meetings. This is the first time we’re taking ownership of our own meeting.

All of us were assigned different roles for the mock cg. Those of us like Malcolm getting welcome, Wan Teng getting Word and Eileen doing Warmth and Praise(her speciality btw).

Me? Got Warmth and Offering/Vision (yeah!! kinda hoping I’ll get it, cos it’s my biggest strength)

And I didn’t prepare much for it to be honest. Only in the space of 30-40 minutes on the train to Boon Lay did I conceive the message along with the verses and the flow of everything. (Meaning, there’s grace and anointing at work here, doesn’t mean i’m gonna do it that way for the rest of SOT eh, dun get the wrong idea. lol)

Still, the message was bombastic, brought the house down and I’ll bet if there was really an offering envelope available. All of us would be giving like mad. (Yeah, wishful thinking at it’s best)

Anyway, the mock CG was the first time all of us united, there is no more Singapore students/china students. We’re all gathered together as one family praising and worshipping God, helping one another in our works and stepping out boldly in faith.

And in a flash we’ve seen with our own eyes what great things we can do for him when we boldly step out of our comfort zone.

Seeing the likes of Wan Teng preaching and leading worship bravely despite her sore throat, Alvin faithfully being the guitarist throughout, Janice helping translations for our chinese friends, Jesher throwing his support wholeheartedly, Eileen leading praise expertly and translating also and me despite the lack of preparation taking on the challenge boldly and discovering something about myself in the process:

In times of challenges: People mature, more than they can ever think of

Because while sharing the offering messages and my experiences, leading the warmth sessions made me realise the more one looks into himself, the more he makes himself miss out on what he can do to help others.

For it gives me an unexplainable joy seeing others touched by my works, giving time to them, praying for them, serving them and giving words over their lives.

And through this time, numerous chinese friends have opened up their lives to share with us, especially after giving the word on increase and faith with our finances. And in the process discovered that I have a strong gift of faith, words of wisdom and prophecy.

Proverbs 16:20

Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers, and blessed is he who trusts in the LORD

This verse is so impactful now. Ever since coming to SOT, there’ve been many changes to my life despite the heavy workload of SOT and work:

1: Intensive bible study and daily reading has instilled discipline and cultivated spiritual hunger and thirst

2: Collecting numerous verses and rhemas as weapons to use on any situation, and to speak words of life/prophesying over people’s lives

3: Emotions have stabilised a lot better, a better countenance than before going SOT

4: A changed attitude, especially towards people, understanding them, loving them as they are and subtly helping them to grow

5: Greater spiritual maturity and servanthood, the more time spent in SOT only makes me realise its his strength holding me up. Especially with ministry almost every week. Yet I still find joy in ushering people =) After I’m here to learn and grow. And esp after today, I know I have it in me to be a CGL one day. The key is patience

Part two tomorrow, this time it’ll be welcome and worship leading for me. Gonna pray for anointing later =)

An interesting thought: If all of us, Alvin, Janice, Eileen, Wan Teng,
Joyce, Jesher and myself can bring this unity and love back to our cell groups and MY zone…..

Imagine what kind of growth, love and unity we’ll have. Let’s not let this anointing and spirit die here, pass the fire on!!!

=)

Everyone who knows me know the passion I have for this team.

And before coming to Christ, this family ministered to me for the past 12 years. Think about it, so many values similar to the word, the walk and experiences, the togetherness, faithfulness, longsuffering and enduring love of the Kop regardless of what happens. Sometimes I do feel that the body of Christ have a thing or two to learn from the Kop when it comes to passion and support. Especially when it comes to lifting up one another.

The 12 years I have walked with them, seen the immense highs and devastating lows. From Owen’s a.k.a Judas solo goal against Newcastle. Gerrard’s emergence from 98-99, ‘God’ a.k.a Fowler’s glory days, the 2000-2001 treble, the decline in 2002-2003, Rafa’s armada arriving in 2004, that night in Istanbul, the Gerrard final in 2006, El Nino’s arrival and his blossoming into the ultimate predator, the glorious charge last season and the fall this season.

And to think I started out supporting the enemy and us at the same time.

Guess what, it took a defeat. Yes, a defeat to help me realise where my allegiance lay. That FA cup tie in Jan 2000 which the enemy snatched the game at the very last moment. And the manner of their celebrations left me hurt and disgusted. Turned and never looked back. Never regretted the choice. Ever

Beyond trophies, beyond glory, beyond the feel good factor of success but also the times we suffer together as one. No trial nor sorrow lasts forever and not everybody understands this, this is what draws us together with them:

Found this on the official site:
‘the liverpool people are spirited, I’m the same as them, they have life in them, they have humour, they’re arrogant, they’re cocky and they’re proud. And that’s what I want my team to be’

It’s about the character of the people, because too much success DOES make one’s head grow big. Success that comes TOO instantly results in spoilt brats being cultivated without the proper character being moulded.

Enduring for long periods in a trophy drought makes you appreciate success that much more, waiting for 21 years for the triumph in Istanbul. That one triumph alone makes up for more than all the old enemy’s european successes. Because of what we’ve experienced together as one, the trials we endured, the murmurings from skeptics and the fainthearted, even unbelief from our own people. Yet we triumphed. It is the character we have that keeps us grounded and makes us appreciate every success that comes our way without taking it for granted.

It’s beyond a club, it’s an inspiration to millions worldwide, a family everyone identifies with just by seeing the crest over our hearts. LFC doesn’t just remain at Anfield, it resides in the hearts of over 70 million honorary scousers worldwide.

God’s common grace at work

And just imagine: ‘Liverpool Football Club being used for his glory’. 20-30 years down the road

Trinity people & Alvin, you know what I’m talking about 😉

Despite all that has happened today.

All the tiredness, frustration and disappointment.

Despite my common sense telling me otherwise in a draining day, decided to vent my frustrations on the old route again.

And beat Tuesday’s time by 53 seconds. Going under the 20 minute mark to finish at 19 minutes 27 seconds. Meaning to say: Tuesday was no fluke, my legs are back.

Despite the fatigue, strain in my legs over standing for hours at end at Robinson’s today. All those disappointments and the piling workload from SOT. I was still able to break through this barrier that I’ve never broken in my time of running the reservoir.

The 84km ultramarathon will be conquered in 2012, double the distance, double the pain, double the joy.

(Someday my legs are gonna give way, let’s pray it won’t happen for at least 20 odd years)

=)