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Woke up this morning to extreme fatigue and a pounding headache, got that bad I had to take MC.

So kinda sian I can’t work properly. Yeah I know, I’m a workaholic.

Probably the reason why my body’s starting to break down into pieces the last week. Haven’t fully recovered from flu, pushed my body beyond its’ natural limit for awhile, days of sustaining on berocca (now you know the reason why I seem indefatigable?) and now finally it rebels and cries for a break.

So the free day today was spent sleeping the morning away, seeing the doc in the afternoon and meeting Albert for dinner.

And in between, rummaging some of my old stuff came back lost memories of the past 4 years. The times when I started my walk with God. Still remember the day I gave my heart in august 2006, those birthday celebrations with the old E418, the encouragements when serving in the army, Water bap in feb last year and eventually now out working and in SOT.

Looking back, it does bring a smile back on my face to see how much I went through and grew through all that =)

The first year: 2006-07 – The years of an infant, not knowing what to do, made mistakes, offended people. Not really knowing how to express myself and those times of controlling a combustible temper. Learning about working society in my last year of poly and my Adidas days.

Second year: 2007-2008 – The first real test came in the army, after enlistment. So much happened, days of doing unbelievable physical exercises, mental torture, pushing limits everywhere, persecutions almost daily in camp just for being different. Digging a shellscrape for three hours, eventually breaking into tears. And somehow everywhere in the SAF it seems 60-80% of everyone I meet is a Manc -_-“.

Explains why I will not stand idle taunts or attacks from them without a sharp response these days. You will defend and fight to the death for the things you love and care after all. This is one aspect they will never understand, nor do I expect them to for most of them. (to all the loyal, faithful mancs, this is not an attack on you, it’s the gloryhunting nasty ones and thoughtless, inconsiderate spoilt brats I’m aiming at, they will get the full force of my fury should they ever provoke it =) )

And think about it: they do behave like little demons. Hahaha(loves the kick of swiping at em)

Days spent in South Africa, the miracle of even getting to go(the result of fulfilling my first building fund in full). With an experience of a lifetime. Seeing the full force of a military in action, using weapons most can only dream of and the kind of awesome firepower (hey, I’m an Artillery guy after all). Working with African troops, seeing the savannah, endless plains, animals I can’t even name, things you’ll never get to see anywhere else.

Seeing the average South African struggling with crime, social disorder, corruption, xenophobia, stories of poverty and starvation from the surrounding nations like Namibia, Zimbabwe, Mozambique and to a certain extent South Africa itself. It really opens your eyes and appreciate what we have back home. No civil war, no unrest, low crime, and here we are complaining about prices, certain inconveniences and why we don’t get more and more. What kind of society are we breeding nowadays?

The third year: 2008-2009 – The mental breakthrough. Learnt to take things in my stride, to become mentally tough. Conquered my first marathon, caught the running bug. Clear the dreaded SOC for the first time, those days of being discriminated, targeted, hated and despised in the army made me learn to pick out good people, dealing with them and avoiding office politics (to a greater extent). And to cap it off, ORDing (it feels soooooo good to collect my pink i/c on 14th Aug, which is the 3rd anniversary of my walk with God =) ).

And if it can’t get any better: LFC came to S’pore around my birthday, the best ever birthday present in 22 years.

Seeing the team in the flesh. Getting within arm’s length of Fernando Torres and Jamie Carragher. Getting their autograph. (That no 9 jersey with Fernando’s autograph will reach anfield one day, complete with Stevie’s, Pepe’s, Masch, Agger’s, Johnson’s, Maxi’s and Yossi’s autographs on it =) ) And now this year: The breakthrough year. Felt so strongly that this is the year so many things are gonna change. At work, family, friends, spiritual growth, personal goals and pursuits. It’s either gonna be achieved or taken a major step forward by the end of this year. Caught hold of four unbelievable promises from God at the start of this year. My calling to be an economist, my family, an unbelievable new ministry and a new start =)

Those of you whom know, look at my protected posts and you’ll know what I mean.

Thanks to you dear friend: You’ve revealed my life ahead, reminiscent of Joseph and John the disciple to a lesser extent. The anointing of foresight, increase and determination. Above all, faith =)

Psalms 37:4 is really the rhema word this year.

Three of my dearest friends have spoken it:

My mirror image/secret keeper: Jo

My discipler/shepherd: Jesher

My fellow scouser/prayer commando: Alvin

Thanks so much for sowing into my life all these years!!!! =)

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Why the post on this?

Cause this is the basic building block on anything in life, not just your walk with God, career, family, relationships, pursuits and goals.

Definitely there’ll be times when you’ll be tempted to slacken, to splurge on that little something to make you feel better. To vent out your frustrations from time to time. Who doesn’t? It’s human to feel that from time to time.

But those are the times if you’ll just put it in your stride and ride it through, punch above your weight and think of it as just another test, another step up in your endurance, patience and long-suffering. Won’t it be better to go through it instead of just living another comfortable but unfulfilled life?

Welcome to the christian walk people, this is definitely a relationship with a God that loves you and wants to change you for the better.

Everything you live for, you aim for, is worth suffering for. It’s worth fighting for it, because once you know what your dream is and what it stands for, how it lifts people up. You’ll charge through hell and blast away anything the enemy throws at you. Once again another verse: 1 John 4:4. For all you fellow warriors of the faith reading this: Fall back to this verse, be reminded that no matter what you’re striving for. God must be part of the plan.

There’ll be opposition, it’s guaranteed. The enemy will throw absolutely everything at you. But no problem, he chose the wrong guy to attack. Especially if God’s word is called upon to fight with him. The more he throws, the more I laugh, and I’ll throw everything back at him with equal violence through the word of God.

Before ending of, another joint revelation from this morning’s quiet time. Jeremiah 9:23-24, combined with Psalms 37:4, a common verse which people encourage themselves with. (hmm, there’s a trend of combined verses cum revelations in my quiet time recently;) )

Thus says the LORD:


“ Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom,
Let not the mighty man glory in his might,
Nor let the rich man glory in his riches;
But let him who glories glory in this,
That he understands and knows Me,
That I am the LORD, exercising loving-kindness, judgment, and righteousness in the earth.
For in these I delight,” says the LORD.

and Psalms 37:4

Delight yourself also in the LORD,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

There’s an unlocked secret!!!

Keeping rooted to his word day-to-day. The first SOT assignment has come, finishing the book of Faith by Pastor Phil, preferably by next weekend and completing the assignment by mid April. Then it’s more lessons, part-time work, connect/cell/zone stuff and ministry. More SOT responsibilities and even more room for personal growth.

I’m 23 this year. No more time to wait or lose, I need to rise up and grow.

Now is the hour

Iron indeed sharpens iron

On the back of another challenging week in SOT and at work

Received this rhema from quiet time during overnight prayer meet:

Isaiah 21:1-8

The burden against the Wilderness of the Sea.

As whirlwinds in the South pass through,
So
it comes from the desert, from a terrible land.
A distressing vision is declared to me;
The treacherous dealer deals treacherously,
And the plunderer plunders.
Go up, O Elam!
Besiege, O Media!
All its sighing I have made to cease.
Therefore my loins are filled with pain;
Pangs have taken hold of me, like the pangs of a woman in labor.
I was distressed when I heard it;
I was dismayed when I saw it.
My heart wavered, fearfulness frightened me;
The night for which I longed He turned into fear for me.
Prepare the table,
Set a watchman in the tower,
Eat and drink.
Arise, you princes,
Anoint the shield!
For thus has the Lord said to me:

“ Go, set a watchman,
Let him declare what he sees.”
And he saw a chariot with a pair of horsemen,
A chariot of donkeys, and a chariot of camels,
And he listened earnestly with great care.
Then he cried, “A lion, my Lord!
I stand continually on the watchtower in the daytime;
I have sat at my post every night.

It warned me of what to expect in the coming months, all those tests that is to come, what’s in the opening 2 weeks is simply a sneak preview of the enemy’s attacks. Welcome to spiritual warfare.

3 months the lord told me of the trials that is to come, to endure and stand fast until the breakthrough in July. (coincidentally my 23rd!!)


Met Alvin afterwards and he shared with me this verse:

2nd Corinthians 4:8-11

We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed— always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are always delivered to death for Jesus’ sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.

So apt, describes our lives one way or another now. Financially not knowing how to fulfil our building fund, where to find money to pay for our school fees, where our next meal’s coming from(ok lah, not that bad now, but it might eventually come to that point), to be so open and giving. Persecutions from family and friends, our studies, everything crying out for our attention with so little time.

And eerily enough it describes Liverpool’s season. So devastating, yet we still find the strength to carry on. We have to, we want to, it’s the love for the team that’s carrying us forward now. Nothing else

Then Jesher shared with me a revelation on Proverbs 27:17

Iron sharpens iron. So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.

When Iron grinds against iron, it scrapes, it shrieks, it is pressed firm and hard against each other, it becomes superheated, almost to the breaking point with sparks flying everywhere. Not a pretty sight nor sound. And the process takes time.

At the end, out comes a pair of swords, sharpened, smoothed, ready to be used by its’ maker.

Been a tough week, so many attacks on my mind since the start of SOT. Not just myself, one way or another all of us in team 20, from MY zone have been under trials in different areas of our lives: financially for one, relationships for another, friendships severely tested almost to the breaking point. Accompanied by a prudent warning of what’s to come ahead through the revelation from Isaiah 21:

Coming to his house, he will not hesitate to clean you out, highlight every flaw you have in character or habit. And deal with you in every aspect of your life. John 15:2-4. Especially so in SOT, cause with 5 times the dedication, comes 5 times the consecration, 5 times the price to pay and 5 times the speed of his testing and cleansing. It is brutal and painful.

And so it was: week 2 ends. 22 to go.

Really humbled, countenance has suffered of late, though I’m not giving up. It’s never in me to give up, years of suffering in the wilderness, suffering the situation in my family for over a decade now, affecting my emotions which took me a better part of 8 years to recover (and it’s suddenly surfacing again). Suffering in school throughout, at various workplaces, in the army. Everywhere, I should ‘ve been broken a long, long time ago. Yet I refuse to, chose not to.

Haha, sorry for sounding this serious, I’m being really candid here. This is the truth after all.

Which brings back another verse: (Words and verses popping up all over the place suddenly: by-product of SOT =) )

1 Corinthians 8:1-3

Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies. And if anyone thinks that he knows anything, he knows nothing yet as he ought to know. But if anyone loves God, this one is known by him.

It’s pointless learning all that in bible school, SOT, without applying it out there in the world that needs it. And we are his vessels of love, after all. It’s that same love that led us to be saved in the first place.

Easter is here, the harvest is near.

Put everything else aside. Let’s go to work!!! =)

Something is clearly wrong.

I wasn’t like this before, always in control of my emotions regardless of what happens. Not a month ago I still had the ‘who cares what the world thinks, I’m gonna do this’ attitude.

And now after going into SOT proper, so many things start surfacing?

Emotions are stirred up way too easily, so many issues surfacing all at once. Friendships, work, finances, family, health, ministry, relationships, personal pursuits, dreams, where do I even start??

This is no coincidence, and it seems clear that my emotions are the last obstacle. His last stronghold over me. Four years of clearing all the trash in my thought life, spiritual life, and now after this mountain of emotions have gone: All the breakthroughs will come

This is clearly a test, and I’m going to ace this challenge with flying colours.

Starting tonight, starting tomorrow

Am gonna start running again, 5 km around Bedok Reservoir. My knee’s gonna be ok!!

=)

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Some people just don’t learn
I’ve said it before, and I will say it again

In fact this is the fourth time I’m telling you this.

And I’ve never asked for your opinion. Not once, and this time it’s between me and J.

You can’t resist butting in can you?

So I say this to you for the last time.

Stay out of my personal matters.

And I mean it this time. this is your last warning

If this ever happens again, you’ll never hear a word of my personal life ever again. Full stop

Back to normal!!!

Returned to the office for the first time in 2 weeks. Only that it felt so different this time round.

No more pressure, no more burdens. For the first time in weeks felt truly happy and liberated.

What would normally strain me before at work pre sot seems to be a breeze now. And it stems from a changed mindset and faith. And for once, the dagger from the manc game last night is well and truly off. Can’t be bothered with their gloatings and taunts, let them be. Shows how much class they have, OR LACK OF.

And the company is prospering, revenue has doubled the last time I left. Economy’s really picking up and glad to see newbies, esp the ones I’ve helped to guide and mentor closing their deals =)

Today Hendra clocked the record of the year so far: 8 deals!! worth SGD 31k plus!! (my record’s only 10 k in one shot)

1st emotional breakthrough!! more to come =)

Never thought I’ll post this

I’m tired, sick of many things, running events, standing up for causes, showing faith where others fail with no one really standing by my side sometimes, driving people forward, being a “superman” for everyone. Being the listening ear, taking the hits for them. And still feeling that nobody notices.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not asking for a standing ovation, or a thank you speech. Just a simple ‘thank you’ will suffice…..Continuous giving does make one tired you know. And I’m still human at the end of the day, just because I let things flow naturally and put on that warm, kind fatherly face doesn’t necessary reflect what’s going on underneath.

Please understand it’s all about give and take too. Loving others is definitely not easy, not easy at all. And I still remember his word before the start of 2010.

‘It’s gonna be about people this year child, loving them. And you learning to love and finding love’

Looks like I need God more than ever, touch me again holy spirit, please.


Unbelievably pissed off today.

Dunno whether it rubbed off on anybody today, was furious on the inside regarding certain issues. Why oh why, all that crap I took on behalf of everybody else. And nobody’s there to even understand what I’m going through? Appreciate J for hearing me out this aft.

But seriously, too much incurrance of verbal diarrhoea from certain parties is REALLY starting to piss me off big time.

Now don’t really have the mood for the game against the scum later. Oh well, I still need to be there, to drive the people on. Like a Captain needing to lead his men by example, putting aside all his concerns for theirs. Or whatever men he still has left to fight with him

But bear in mind whoever’s reading this, everybody has a limit, a threshold, before they blow. So please don’t take me for granted.

Anyway, we’ll let it all out on them!! I’m gonna vent all that FURY on them later, we’ll bury them..

3-1!!!

Torres, Gerrard and Aquilani